A Simpler Christmas?

My search for a solution to the problem of a long list of gifts and a shortage of funds had me Googling "frugal Christmas ideas" this week. Let me just say that there is a lot out there, and most of it isn't pretty. A very timely article in Sunday, November 23 rd's Washington Post titled, "Don't Buy It" by Judith Levine caught my eye. This woman and her husband actually went a year without shopping. They bought only essentials such as food and medicine. No clothes, books, CD's, restaurant meals or paid entertainment. I admit to being very impressed and hoped to learn something that could help survive Christmas. Some of the suggestions in the article included:

• Do it yourself - Baked gifts and the dreaded coupon gift books
• Recycle, Reuse, Regift - umm...give stuff that's been sitting in your hall closet, shop at pawn shops and thrift stores.
• Forget "Value" - as in Dollar Store cheap gifts.
• Freeload - Uh, show up at your rich friends's parties empty handed and scarf down as much of the buffet as you can. I suppose you could try to slip some of it into your purse for later.
• Moralize later - This one I actually agree with. You are not going to teach kids non-materialism by suddenly declaring that there will be no presents this year. The holidays are not the right time to introduce this concept, only to reinforce it. To do otherwise would only make it seem like a punishment.

Actually, the most useful thing I got out of this article were the links to the growing "Satisfaction Movement" and several simple living blogs. The "Get Satisfied" people seem a little cultish, sort of like an green Joel Olsteen- way to slick and packaged for my taste, although they do have some good ideas. Simple Living America is a non-profit that seeks to promote peace of mind, more leisure time, enjoyment of family and friends, space without clutter, financial solvency and environmental responsibility through simple living. I might be tempted to drink the Koolaid on that one. I am now following a few related blogs to see what might be applicable for our family. But I'm not much closer to figuring out what I am going to do about my gift list.

Making a list

All of the financial experts say that this is the first thing to do, that it should be done early, and that you should set your budget at the time the list is made and stick to it. Really? No kidding? This advice is absolutely useless to me because it leaves out the most important part. HOW do you manage to stick to the budget? That has always been the problem for me. I know what I am supposed to do, what I don't know is why it is so impossible to do. It's like telling an overweight person that if they eat less and exercise more they will lose weight. They are probably aware of that fact already, thank you very much. What they (and I) don't know how to do is break the old habits and start new ones that they can live with and be successful with.

So I am going into this part very grudgingly. I don't like budgets. They have all sorts of negatives associated with them. It's all "Thou shalt nots" and I feel like I have failed before I have even begun. So all right, I will make the list, but I won't like it. And you can't make me stick to it.

Nieces and Nephews $20 each
1 infant boy
2 toddler boys
1 toddler girl
1 school age boy
1 school age girl
1 preteen girl
2 high school girls
2 college age girls


Couples $20-$50
Married neice
Dad and stepmother
Mom and stepfather
Mother and father inlaw

Small gifts $10-20
2 sisters
3 teachers
3 gifts for gift exchange parties I will attend

And then the big ones: In the past, it has been about $300 each

1 son, 27
1 son, 17
1 daughter, 14
1 son 11
Husband

For a grand total of $1,700. Ok, now I'm depressed. No wonder I don't like to make budgets. The book says if I can't pay for it with cash, I can't buy it. We don't have $1,700 just lying around, so the books say to get "creative". Sounds like popsicle sticks and coupon books to me. Bah! Humbug!

STEP ONE- THE FAMILY MEETING

My family had some idea what to expect when we sat down. They all knew that money has been tight lately, so I'm pretty sure that when I told them the meeting was about Christmas, they were expecting me to go into Grinch mode. Here's what I did: I gave them each a sheet of paper and a pen and asked them to answer the following questions, being COMPLETELY honest. No brown nosing allowed.

1) Name your three favorite activities at Christmas and explain why.

2) Name the three best gifts you have ever received. What made them special?

3) Is there something new you would like to do as a family this Christmas?

4) Name some things about Christmas that you don't like.


Then we went around the table and shared our answers. Everyone had to participate, whenever someone's answer didn't sound genuine, the others called him or her out on it, and in the end, we had a really good talk. We wound up talking about Christmases past, and really got ourselves focused on the things we truly like and look forward to at Christmas. I was amazed at the small gestures that the kids really loved, like watching Christmas movies together with a fire in the fireplace (we live in a tropic zone, so we usually have to have the air conditioner going to do this) and that some of their dislikes were the result of my efforts to make everything perfect. They don't enjoy seeing me spend all day in the kitchen getting exhausted and cranky so that we can have the perfect Christmas dinner. So this year, we are going to try cooking Christmas dinner together. We are going to put on Christmas music and give everyone a job and hopefully make it fun. They also love our annual outing to cut down a tree, but hate the bickering that goes into choosing the right one. So this year we have come up for a strategy that might help reduce the arguing. I have come to realize that having a tree in the house is the goal, not having the biggest, most beautiful, picture perfect tree. So, I resolve to be less picky.

I also asked that everyone clear their calendars for Sunday Advent evenings. For the four Sundays in Advent, no matter what else is going on, we will go as a family to Sunday evening mass and then come home and have family time. Each child gets one Sunday to decide what we spend our time doing as a family. This will probably be the hardest thing to do, because we always let the outside world distract us. We tend to think that family will always be there, but this cool party, or shopping trip, or whatever, is a one time event. So family time gets pushed aside, and we fill our time with other things.

Finally, I assigned everyone to fill out a gift list of items $10 and under, $20 and under, $50 and under, and one big ticket item. The lists are due Friday, and that way I can tell relatives exactly what to get the kids so that they are happy and no money is wasted.

Everyone walked away from our meeting feeling good, knowing that things would be different, but that no one was getting rocks and sticks in their stockings just because it's been a tough year financially. I came away feeling great because this year it feels as though it isn't up to me to plan and execute the perfect Christmas and to make everyone's dreams come true. It will be a family project that actually, in spite of all my cynicism, might actually bring us closer together.

Thanks to a series of unforeseen circumstances (major natural disaster, car repairs, pestilence, economic downturn, etc.) our family is approaching the upcoming holidays in um, slightly diminished circumstances. Our situation is not dire- we are not about to lose our home, my husband holds a well paying job which allows me to stay home and take care of my family and we have more blessings than we can count. We are comfortably middle class. We do however have a mortgage, two car notes and an unhealthy amount of credit card debt. Our savings is at a spectacular new low, and we have a son headed of to college next fall. And now, here come the holidays. We typically spend between (gulp!) two and three thousand dollars at Christmas time. This includes gifts, decorating, entertaining, travel and liquor (need a lot of that this time of year.) That kind of money simply is not an option this year. Neither is cancelling Christmas.

So I've read all of the articles about how much better off we would be by having a simpler, more meaningful Christmas by "Unplugging the Christmas Machine". I have to say that I remain unconvinced that handmade gifts and working in a soup kitchen (not that either of those are bad things) is going to fly with my kids. It isn't that they are terribly spoiled, but I have spent the last 18 years trying to make each Christmas more spectacular than the last, so expectations are high. I realize how obnoxiously materialistic that makes our family sound and it isn't that we don't know "THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS" but honestly, if the Grinch stole all our presents Christmas morning, we would not be standing around holding hands and singing some song that doesn't even have real lyrics.

As I mentioned, we have no option but to downsize this year. I know that we are not alone in this, and I think that instead of reading one more article about how blissfully happy we will be if we all make presents out of popsicle sticks, or each other those cheesy coupon books (Good for one free unloading of the dishwasher, etc.) I am going to record or honest efforts to make do with less.

Wish me luck, because tonight, I present the plan to the family.