STEP ONE- THE FAMILY MEETING

My family had some idea what to expect when we sat down. They all knew that money has been tight lately, so I'm pretty sure that when I told them the meeting was about Christmas, they were expecting me to go into Grinch mode. Here's what I did: I gave them each a sheet of paper and a pen and asked them to answer the following questions, being COMPLETELY honest. No brown nosing allowed.

1) Name your three favorite activities at Christmas and explain why.

2) Name the three best gifts you have ever received. What made them special?

3) Is there something new you would like to do as a family this Christmas?

4) Name some things about Christmas that you don't like.


Then we went around the table and shared our answers. Everyone had to participate, whenever someone's answer didn't sound genuine, the others called him or her out on it, and in the end, we had a really good talk. We wound up talking about Christmases past, and really got ourselves focused on the things we truly like and look forward to at Christmas. I was amazed at the small gestures that the kids really loved, like watching Christmas movies together with a fire in the fireplace (we live in a tropic zone, so we usually have to have the air conditioner going to do this) and that some of their dislikes were the result of my efforts to make everything perfect. They don't enjoy seeing me spend all day in the kitchen getting exhausted and cranky so that we can have the perfect Christmas dinner. So this year, we are going to try cooking Christmas dinner together. We are going to put on Christmas music and give everyone a job and hopefully make it fun. They also love our annual outing to cut down a tree, but hate the bickering that goes into choosing the right one. So this year we have come up for a strategy that might help reduce the arguing. I have come to realize that having a tree in the house is the goal, not having the biggest, most beautiful, picture perfect tree. So, I resolve to be less picky.

I also asked that everyone clear their calendars for Sunday Advent evenings. For the four Sundays in Advent, no matter what else is going on, we will go as a family to Sunday evening mass and then come home and have family time. Each child gets one Sunday to decide what we spend our time doing as a family. This will probably be the hardest thing to do, because we always let the outside world distract us. We tend to think that family will always be there, but this cool party, or shopping trip, or whatever, is a one time event. So family time gets pushed aside, and we fill our time with other things.

Finally, I assigned everyone to fill out a gift list of items $10 and under, $20 and under, $50 and under, and one big ticket item. The lists are due Friday, and that way I can tell relatives exactly what to get the kids so that they are happy and no money is wasted.

Everyone walked away from our meeting feeling good, knowing that things would be different, but that no one was getting rocks and sticks in their stockings just because it's been a tough year financially. I came away feeling great because this year it feels as though it isn't up to me to plan and execute the perfect Christmas and to make everyone's dreams come true. It will be a family project that actually, in spite of all my cynicism, might actually bring us closer together.